Hollywood Power Moms: Powerfully Wrong!?

By Saturday, May 12, 2012 Permalink 0
Jamie Lynne Grumet on Time Magazine's May 21 cover

Jamie Lynne Grumet on Time Magazine's May 21 cover

A very old and very non-PC joke is: What’s the most confusing day in _____ ? (INSERT YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PART OF A CITY)?

Answer: Mother’s Day.

Unfortunately, the definition of a true mother has now become terminally blurred.

A mother is supposed to nourish their children; not make them part of a national

punch-line that some moms have become. For example: These days, anyone can change their sex. Now, a certain well-tanned Caucasian mom in New Jersey (the “Punchline State”) is teaching her daughter that these days, you can change your own race.Once, a mom had to go to a grocery store to buy their child some milk. Now, a certain Mom on the cover of “Time” magazine has become a one-woman milk bar for her four-year old son Aron.

Does she also pack this milk in his lunchbox? Does Aron share it with his classmates (“Hey Aron. Can you pass your mom over here? She tastes better than this nasty cow milk!”)?

Does Aron think of milking other moms whenever she tells him, “You’re going to nursery school today.”

When Aron pours this Lactating Liquid on his “Rice Krispies,” does the cereal say, “Snap…Crackle…Pop….Hmmm….Yummy…What the hell is this milk? Pour it on!! You’re making us extra wet! Hey Snap. What’s that breast now doing hovering over us? OUCH! It squirted me in the eye!”

Faye Dunaway channeling Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest" (1981)

Faye Dunaway channeling Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest" (1981)

Or, why when celebrities have babies (i.e., Beyonce), they act as if it’s an immaculate conception and thus, have the right to preach how to be the perfect mom. Just because someone has the money to pay for 135 nannies, a 200’ x 200’ play room and a million toys doesn’t make someone “Mrs. Super Mom.”

Yeah. They know everything about being a mom—except giving their daughters “non-laughable” names. SEE: Blue Ivy (Beyonce’s girl), Gwyneth Paltrow (Apple) and now, Jessica Simpson’s daughter (Maxwell?!).

No news yet if Octomom has changed her name to:”Welfare Mom.”

So, to those real moms, a hearty salute. To those manufactured-by-their-PR people “real” moms:

____________ (INSERT LEAST FAVORITE HAND SALUTE)

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